How past experiences affect relationships

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My ability to monitor the sensations of warmth in my stomach warned me that I was experiencing some activation of the nervous system. Activation or excitement are words used to describe the physiological and psychological state of our sensory organs that are stimulated from a point of perception. In a sense, it is our amygdala that wakes up to see if there is a danger and to prepare our defense system against that danger.

This hazard radar system is an evolutionary and biological response that aims to protect us from dangerous experiences we have had in the past. In our partnerships, the “danger” we experience in the present is often, though not always, related to hurtful and hurtful childhood experiences or other previous experiences.

This reflexive response is our nervous system, which plays its adaptive response to our earliest caregivers, namely those who have been inconsistent in practicing tuning and ensuring co-regulated safety for our bodies. As a result, most of our intimate partnerships will cause some kind of activation of danger in us. When our system notices a “rupture” —that is, an intrusion or abandonment movement toward or away from our somatic and relational boundary — our systems react reflexively to warn us.

Learning to feel sensations in your body is the main process in many forms of bottom-up therapy, such as somatic experience, EMDR, sensitometer, hakomi and other somatic-based methods. The more we are able to feel in our bodies, to feel and follow the patterns of our physiological reactions to various stimuli, the more insight we gain in the historical programming that lives in our bodies.

Our neurophysiology is formed in our earliest environment in biological and relational coordination with our early caregivers, and all of our “states of existence,” both past and present, are within our bodies. Therefore, all people basically move between current and past states of existence throughout the day. In individuals who have experienced a high degree of trauma, their physiological systems are likely to contain more past states than present awareness. However, almost all of us have experienced some degree of relational trauma in our early development, which means that the invisible roots of our physiology that have formed in the past will be triggered by the people we are in a relationship with in the present.

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