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Like my son prepared to leave home for coding training five years ago, I was worried that his communication style would not match my need for updates. I didn’t want to annoy Justin (not his real name), but I had to know he was fine, living a thousand miles away. Before leaving, I requested a weekly update by phone, email, or text message. Justin chose text messages.
The use of short written notes is not new. Folded notes traveled like a stick through rows of carefree students for generations. Then, almost overnight, the handwritten notes were replaced by e-mails. Social commitments, orders, lists and countless updates travel faster, farther and more often through text. Text messaging is the most widely used feature of the smartphone, so it was not surprising that Justin chose this method of communication.
As I watched him walk through the airport security with a backpack and no checked baggage, I calmed down, knowing I would receive an arrival message followed by weekly updates. Over time, interview preparation and first job newsletters were replaced with garden and family summaries, while news of the training, diet, and pandemic flowed in both directions. Justin flew home and my husband and I visited him, but my son’s messages were just as important as the visits — at least for me. Over the years, we’ve probably shared so much through writing, as if we’ve been able to talk every week.
The asynchronous nature of sending text messages is a huge factor in its success. Glenn Morgan, a retired clinical psychologist and behavioral science researcher at the National Institutes of Health, says texting is ideal for those who are too busy with work, school, or family to add synchronous or real-time conversations. to his day. Both parties should not be available to talk via text. It is more convenient to answer when the weather allows than to interrupt the day for a phone call.
The texts are short in nature, which is another plus for those with busy lives. Morgan says texting is a great way to connect when there’s time competition; songwriters get a lot of connection for their efforts. He added: “Texts can be very effective with just 30 seconds or a minute of effort, unlike telephone calls, where the expected time is much longer. Very few phone calls last less than a minute or two, but many messages are so short.
Eric Cardwell, an individual therapist and a couple therapist, said people have a strong need to feel attached to each other. “FMRI research shows that brain pain centers have less activity during periods of human contact,” he said. This social connection also helps reduce anxiety and depression. You can make these connections in many ways, such as by touch, voice, and even text. Cardwell summarizes the benefits of text linking, “content doesn’t have to be long for a link to be huge.”
Morgan said one of the benefits of the established routine for sending text messages is that it avoids social anxiety from starting a conversation. It can be stressful to always be the one you initiate, even for a text message conversation. Justin and I fell into a common pattern pretty quickly. Initially, I sent messages all week, but Justin held fast to a single text on Sunday night. I received a weekly response and we have maintained this routine ever since.
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