“I’ll be happy to fit in with my old Levi.”
(They really are I did make your ass look good.)
Did you say something like that?
Or what do you say:
“I will be happy when I earn a six-figure income.”
“I will be happy when my child enters a good college.”
“I will be happy when we meet my personality.”
The truth is that most of us have a similar faith that is carried in our psyche.
If you’re a coach, you’ve probably seen this:
Customers who believe they will only be happy when they reach a certain weight, body fat percentage or athletic performance.
“Do you enjoy the trip?” Pfft. It’s all about the destination, “they say.
Of course, some desire to cross the finish line is normal and perfectly fine.
And hey, having goals is great.
Goals give you a sense of purpose and focus and encourage you to go beyond your previous capabilities in a wiser, better version of yourself. In addition, research shows that goal setting is a sign of confidence, commitment, autonomy and motivation.1.2
The problem is that some people constantly slow down their thinking about happiness a better life is always just on the horizon.
But in this article we will discuss this counter-intuitive fact:
Achieving a goal will not always make you happy.
Actually focusing too much on the outcome of your goals can make you miss the potential you have fortunately RIGHT NOW.
If you think this could be you (or a customer), consider the quick process in three steps below.
This quick exercise will benefit anyone who feels:
- such as their lives are delayed until they achieve their goal
- As if their goal is making them unhappy
- He was worried about his goal it may not be sustainable or even possible
Does it sound familiar? Read on.
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Enjoy your goals (and life) more in 3 steps.
These steps are a combination of “thinking” work – to raise awareness of your beliefs and behavior – and “doing” work. (Tip: That’s it I do this will actually change these limiting beliefs and behaviors.)
Thinky-brain and doing-body, activate!
Step 1: Find out what your beliefs are “I will be happy when …”.
Take a piece of paper and discuss all your beliefs “I will be happy when …”.
You can have a lot.
For example:
“I will be happy when…
- … I have visible abdominal presses. “
- … I’m moving to a bigger house. ”
- … I finish the first five in my next triathlon. “
Everything is going well.
Once you’ve done the right brain drain, choose one from a list to focus on – preferably the one that feels most important and urgent.
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Step 2: Discover how you restrained yourself.
Now it’s time to dig a little deeper.
Consider:
What are they all things you are waiting to do or feel until you reach your goal?
These are not just the things you worry about, but the things you still can’t afford to have.
For example: “Once I’m 20 pounds lighter, I will…
- … let me wear the clothes I like. ”
- … start dating again. “
Or, “Once I make six digits, I’ll
- … I feel like a success. “
- … start resting on the weekends. “
Or: “Once I have met my soulmate, I will”
- … finally feel confident. ”
- … go on a Mediterranean cruise. ”
Chances are you’ll come up with a number of things – some trivial and some very meaningful – that you can’t afford to experience. Probably because you believe you don’t deserve to do or feel these things until you’re “better.”
Well, we have a surprise for you …
Step 3: Stop waiting and live.
Once you realize that you have refrained from feeling good about yourself and doing all these cool, meaningful things, this may explain why you were so eager to just I get there already.
It can also explain why you may not have enjoyed it process to reach your goal.
Somewhere inside there is a part of you that believes that your life really can’t begin until you achieve your goal. And that good things shouldn’t happen to you until you’re weaker, faster, stronger, or more successful.
This can be an awkward realization. Revealing this faith can make you feel sad, relieved, angry, or some combination of emotions.
You may want to take some time to unpack these feelings. However, nothing creates significant changes more than action.
So, choose the easiest, lowest hanging next tangible step to start living and feeling the way you want.
For example:
- Create a dating profile, using photos of how you look at the moment.
- Buy shorts, a muscular tank, a sundress, or any outfit you’ve been waiting to wear – your size – and wear it proudly.
- Think about how you are already successful: Do you feel excited to come to work? This is a success!
- Stay high and say nice things to yourself for your dignity as a person.
- Book a fun weekend trip on your own for you. (This is not a Mediterranean cruise, but it’s a start.)
Ultimately: Allow yourself to feel and do the things you would do if you achieved your goal, even if you have not yet achieved it.
This can feel uncomfortable. But with a little practice you will find …
Happiness is not the effect of achieving goals. This is the reason.
Once you stop holding back, you may find that your goal becomes less important. (Maybe your happiness doesn’t depend on fitting into those jeans after all.)
Or maybe the goal is it’s still important, but you’re enjoying the steps you need to take to get there more after you’re no longer holding on to your life.
Either way, you will probably find that whether you have achieved your goal or not, you begin to behave, live and I feel it as a person who would achieve it.
Because while achieving a goal feels good, people usually don’t want the result of the goal as much as they want to become kind of person who gets this result.
You can’t just gain X weight. You are a fit person.
Your child has not just become an Ivy League. You are a good parent.
You don’t just make six digits. You are a smart and capable professional.
You didn’t just win the race. You are a winner.
This is the secret to why the above process works. Because whether you have reached your personal finish line or not, your identity is beginning to shift to the person you have always wanted to be.
Why?
You do the things that such a person would do.
The best part?
You don’t wait anymore.
You just live.
References
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If you are a coach or want to be …
Learning how to educate clients, patients, friends or family members through healthy eating and lifestyle changes – in a way that is personalized for their unique body, preferences and circumstances – is both an art and a science.
If you want to learn more about both, consider Level 1 precision nutrition certification.