While unrequited love can do some serious harm, the experience itself is not essentially unhealthy or bad. After all, people can’t control how they feel or how much they like someone.
“Unrequited love is not bad,” says Munoz. “Most people experience it at one time or another, especially in their teens and twenties, when they explore relationships, erotica and romance. But when unrequited love becomes a model – or when you are stuck in a way to experience unrequited love for someone in a way that affects your quality of life – then it may be time to consider the function and cost of falling in love with people who are not. they love. “
People can sometimes rely on unrequited love as a way to avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their own happiness, Munoz said. “We pursue the illusion of this elusive idealized other, telling ourselves that only if they loved us would we be fulfilled. This can make us live in a childish way of thinking, where we avoid responsibility, believing that we will be saved, magic will happen and we will feel happy, worthy or whole with a little effort on our part. “
That said, there are certainly healthier ways to experience love that never comes back. It is possible to love someone and just not worry if he loves you again. You can love someone from afar, admire them, want the best for them, and take care of them in ways that you don’t want in return. There is an old quote from the German poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe that puts this kind of selfless love into perspective: If I love you, what is your business?
The key here, of course, is to make sure that this love does not interfere Yours well-being — and your ability to create mutually loving relationships with others.